Thursday – St Thomas

Gospel – John 20:24-29

No Doubt?

Agony Stone, Gethsemane

It started with a diagnosis of Parkinsons 2 ½ years ago.  Then one year ago, after a long illness, her Mom passed away.  6 days later Dad joined her on that final journey.  Then, after prolonged weakness and a hospital stay filled with tests and scans, the confirmation of a rare blood cancer!  A sudden shift in location and lifestyle followed by countless doctor visits and blood tests, medications, chemo treatments, a couple more debilitating hospitalizations and the daily struggle to put one foot in front of the other.  Then his unexpected cancer diagnosis, surgery and recovery! 

What next?  Seriously?  How much more can a person stand without faltering?  Without a crisis of faith?  Without a doubt?

Throughout our lives, we all have moments where our confidence falters, where our faith just seems to disappear.  It can be our faith in ourselves, in others and yes, even our faith in God.  Moments of doubt and disbelief!  That moment when you are paralyzed with worry and fear about the future!  We are all human; we all have doubts.  As we celebrate today the Feast of St Thomas, we acknowledge that we all have our “Thomas” moments!  And we worry whether this makes us less in the eyes of the Creator.  And yet, in today’s Gospel, after Thomas (whose expressed his doubts about Jesus rising from the dead, the very first words Jesus says to him is “Peace be with you”.  He didn’t yell, he didn’t correct him or sit him down and give him ‘the talk”.  Jesus’ words were those of calm and compassion.  He understands!  He doesn’t turn His back on us; He doesn’t walk away.  He holds out His hands to us with calm and compassion and love.

 

Lord, help me to see

when the eyes of faith are dimmed

and my heart is hardened

by the ordinary obsessions of the world,

by the tiredness that sets in over the years,

the cynicism that sees bad intentions everywhere,

when it becomes easier

just to look after my own, my little nest,                    

and arrange my pleasures around me

because I deserve them.

 

Help me to open up to you in faith,

Knowing that there’s nothing I can do to impress you,

To earn this grace.

All is gift, even the very desire to come to you,

The first stirring of the search for you,

Is Your Spirit in me.

 

Lord, touch me with your presence, make me well,

Make me know Your forgiveness,

The grace of Your life, the amazing grace

Which would blind me and save me,

If only I had the simple faith

To let You in!

 

(At Your Side by Raymond Friel and David Wells)

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